Just Stay Here Tonight (I'll Shine The Way Through The Darkest Night)
by Selena Marie Weasley
Summary: "However, she knows that if they were sober there is no way in hell they would be cuddling like this." 2x18 Canon Divergence/Missing Scene. Without his speed Barry can get drunk again. Iris shows up at his apartment with alcohol and she can't keep her hands to herself. Angst & Fluff. Barry/Iris. Rated High T *CORRECT STORY UP*


_*NOTE: SO I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED A STORY THAT ALREADY EXISTS INSTEAD OF THIS ONE. THIS IS THE CORRECT STORY. SORRY ABOUT THAT!_

 _Ever since 2x18 aired I wanted to write something where Iris shows up with a bottle of alcohol because now Barry can get drunk again and their guards drop. I've been working on this one a while and it's finally to my liking._

 _Title from Just Stay Here Tonight by Augustana_

* * *

She's not exactly sure what possess her to knock on his door in the middle of the night with a bottle of vodka. But she does anyway. Maybe it's because she thinks he needs it. It's been a rough couple of days without his speed and he's been brooding and grumpy. But really it's been a rough year so it's understandable. Maybe it's because she needs this too, because she hasn't been having the easiest time either with work and struggling with her feelings for Barry. It also helps that he can get drunk now.

So here she is with a bottle of alcohol knocking on her best friend's door in the middle of the night.

She raises her hand and knocks. She doesn't realize she's holding her breath until he opens the door. The first thing she notices is that he looks like shit. His clothes are rumpled and creased and his hair is sticking out in every direction and it looks like he hasn't shaved in a couple of days, if it weren't for the bags under his eyes and the look of utter exhaustion on his face he would look sexy as hell. And she hates herself for thinking like that right now.

He raises an eyebrow at her and she can tell he's not in the mood for bullshit. So she simply holds up the bottle and he moves aside to let her in. Clearly she was right.

She's about to ask him if he has anything to mix the Vodka with but he grabs it from her hand and takes a swig before either of them can settle on the couch.

Well okay then. That's how the night is going to go. And she's perfectly okay with that.

She makes sure to put some distance between them on the couch, for whatever reason. But she just has this feeling that maybe once the alcohol takes over and her guard is down she may not be able to keep her hands to herself.

He takes another drink before holding the bottle out for her looking at her almost expectantly and she grabs it from his hands and takes a long drink enjoying the way it burns going down her throat. God that feels good. Her original plan had been to get drunk alone in her apartment than she figured Barry was miserable too, why not drink together.

Silently they take turns drinking and slowly the buzz and the haze of drunkenness takes over and the bottle now sits on the coffee table. She had at least the state of mind to take it from his hands, figuring that he was in the place where he would drink the whole thing if she let him.

They've abandoned their sides of the couch and the more they drank the more they seemed to lean towards each other. To the point that they are now slouched against each other, arm to arm, she rests her head against his shoulder and his head falls back against the couch occasionally coming to rest on the top of hers.

"God, what the fuck was I thinking? I gave up my speed and now there's no way I can stop him. Zoom is going to take over and it's all my fault. But that's what I do right? I fuck things up. I think I'm doing the right thing and then it all goes to hell because I think with my heart not my head."

She sighs because she hates it when he talks like this. When he blames himself and the self-deprecation comes out and he feels guilty for things completely out of his control. She wants to remind him that he gave up his speed for her brother who is family. She wants to tell him that she never wants him to stop thinking with his heart because that's one of the things she loves about him. But she doesn't. She lets him rant and complain and blame himself.

As she listens she shifts slightly so that she can press her body closer to his and somehow one of her legs tangles with his as she buries her nose in his neck and breathes him in. She doesn't miss the way he freezes for just second before shifting himself back against one of the armrests and bringing her to lay back against him between his legs and then he continues and she doesn't move. She doesn't want to. He needs to vent and she needs to be close to him.

However, she knows that if they were sober there is no way in hell they would be cuddling like this. Not with her between his legs and her face in his neck and her hands twisting in his shirt, now with his hand slipping under her shirt resting on her lower back. Not with the current standing of the relationship in some sort of weird limbo. But it just feels right.

She can still see the faint hint of a bruise on his neck from where Zoom had his hand nearly choking the life out of Barry. She swallows trying not to think about how close she came to losing him. Before she can even think about what she's doing she presses her lips gently to his neck. He sucks in a breath but she decides to continue a path up his neck to his jaw not missing the low groan he lets out.

"Iris."

All of the sudden it's like a bucket of cold water has been poured over her and she realizes that she was just kissing Barry's neck. Oh fuck.

Instantly she pulls away coming to cover her mouth in shame and embarrassment. Before he can react she shoots up from the couch and goes to gather her things all of the sudden feeling completely sober.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry. I-I should go."

She's so focused on finding her purse and her shoes and her jacket that she doesn't notice that he gets off the couch and is trying to catch up with her saying her name.

"Iris, wait."

But she can't look at him. What the hell is wrong with her? Why the ever living fuck did she think kissing her best friend's neck would be a good idea? She's afraid she gave herself away, gave away her feelings for him. It would have been the same if she had bright neon sign saying hey I might be in love with you. Because clearly he's not in a place to move forward right now and she's not sure if she is either.

"I'm just gonna go."

She slips on her shoes and has her purse on her arm and jacket draped over arm. Just as she's about to make a break for it his hand closes around her wrist and before she can fight it he tugs her towards him and her body crashes into his. His other hand grips her arm effectively keeping her in place. And as much as she wants to get away there's something about his hands on her and standing so close to him that keeps her where she is.

"Iris," he says her name in a low voice that causes a shiver to run down her spine and then his fingers tilt her chin up forcing her to look him in the eye which is the last thing she wants to do right now but she can't stop it.

Her throat goes dry when she meets his eyes locked on hers with such an intense gaze that she doesn't think she could break if she really wanted to. Her brain isn't functioning properly, it has to be the alcohol that's making her feel fuzzy, not the way he's looking at her. But then his eyes flicker to her lips lingering longer than they should before he looks at her again and she can see the desire clear in his eyes. And she's finding it harder and harder to breathe, her heart racing in her chest in anticipation.

And then his mouth is on hers. Kissing her hard and her breath hitches and a whimper escapes her at the sudden feeling of his lips against hers. He's kissing her with intensity that she struggles to match.

And he kisses her and kisses her and kisses her and oh god she kisses him back. It's hard and bruising and he tastes like vodka but there's something so distinctively Barry about it that she can't get enough of him, enough of his tongue in her mouth, enough of the way he tugs her bottom lip between his teeth almost painfully, but a moan escapes her throat and it spurs him on.

Oh god she can't get enough. She can't breathe either her lungs need oxygen but she needs him, needs more of him and she can't get enough. She doesn't care about breathing because she's never felt more alive than she does now in this moment.

All she can hear is the blood pounding in her ears as he kisses her almost expertly, but it's messy and with her lungs burning for air he finally pulls his mouth from hers allowing her only a moment to breathe before his mouth creates a path from her jaw down to her shoulder. Kissing, licking, and biting his way down, tugging her skin between his teeth and it's all she can do to grip his shoulders and hold on for dear life.

It's then that she decides she needs more. She needs his skin on hers and so without any warning she begins to drag his shirt over his head and he helps and once it's been discarded his mouth returns to the junction between her shoulder and neck and bites down. She's well aware that he's marking her and she really doesn't give a fuck.

She runs her hands over the now bare skin and she can't keep them still, she touches his arms, his stomach, his chest, his back, raking her nails over his skin, gripping his shoulders hard when his own hands slip under her shirt to cup one breast. She doesn't bother keeping quiet, she doesn't give a shit. She's bottled up her feelings for this man for too long and so has he so she plans on letting him know just how much she enjoys this, him touching her, him kissing her.

Next her shirt disappears and his thrown across the room somewhere but she doesn't think about that because his mouth is on hers again thrusting his tongue in her mouth and she twists her tongue with his, and she tugs on his lip with her teeth causing him to groan right into her mouth and she thinks she needs more of that. Reaching behind her she unclasps her bra and takes a slight step back reluctantly dragging her mouth from his so that her bra can fall to the ground.

She doesn't miss the way he visibly swallows at the sight of her, the way his eyes rake over her, practically drinking her in and his mouth hangs open slightly and really it's kind of endearing. Caught up in the way he's looking at her she takes the chance to shimmy out of her jeans easily kicking them off to the side. She realizes she's only in her panties now and his lower half is still completely covered. She would feel a little self-conscious if it weren't for the way her breath was quickening and the way his eyes were glued to her body.

It's when his eyes finally make their way back up his body to meet hers and oh god she wants him, wants him so badly. So she quickly closes the distance between them pressing her body flush against his, moaning at the feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest. His hands land at her waist, fingers digging into her skin as he pulls her in even closer. And she can feel him pressed hard against her. Deciding that feeling him through his jeans is not enough she trails her fingers down his stomach to the waistband of jeans noticing the way he tenses and sucks in a breath. With a grin she kisses his chest and easily rids him of his jeans.

They pause yet again and then his fingers twist in her hair bringing her in so his mouth can devour hers once again, angling her head in such a way that she can't get enough. She rolls her hips against his needing something some sort of friction where she's aching. He responds doing the same and she doesn't realize it right away but he's backing her up towards the couch and then at the least minute he turns them around so that she lands on his lap with her legs on either side of his and she grounds down on him and he presses back up into her creating the friction she needs, desperately wanting to get rid of that last barrier.

His mouth breaks from hers to explore her body some more and it's then that she's given some clarity. This is a really horrible idea. She knows Barry, knows that if they do this he'll feel guilty and he'll feel like he took advantage of her. And she can't do that to him. She can't take advantage of him either, because she knows he wouldn't be doing this if he was sober. And even though she really, really wants him, wants to continue, it has to stop. If it's going to happen they need to be sober.

"Barry," she says as forcefully as possible. But he doesn't respond, but she sense slight hesitation on his part like he knows what she's about to say. "Barry," she says louder leaning away from him as best as she can. Finally he looks up at her. "We have to stop."

He opens his mouth to protest but then he hangs his head and she knows he know she's right. She takes the moment to crawl out of his lap and try to put some distance between them. It's then she notices how exposed she is and she crosses her arms over her chest and she looks around the room for her clothes.

She gets dressed in the kitchen where he can't see her and when she returns she finds him sprawled out on the couch arm draped over his eyes. She stands there unsure of what she should do. She's still trying to process what just happened. She almost had sex with Barry. There were so close and for some reason she stopped it.

"I'm going to go," she says for the second time that night.

And for the second time his hand grabs her wrist. He sits up and looks up at her with big eyes. "Stay. Please, stay, Iris."

He's pleading with her, begging her to stay. And it breaks her heart he sounds so scared to be alone and it's like he's a little boy again and it's a dramatic shift from what he had just been doing to her. But she can't refuse him.

"Okay," she agrees quietly.

She settles back into previous spot. And he sighs contently and she wonders if he'll remember any of this in the morning, she knows she will, there's no way in hell she's going to forget his lips on hers, and his hands touching her. But now she feels sleep pulling at her and her eyes fall shut as she focuses on the way his breath ruffles her hair and the way his hand rests on her lower back just under her shirt, warm and comforting.

"Goodnight, Barry."

She doesn't miss the way his arms tighten ever so slightly as she falls asleep.

* * *

In the morning the first thing she notices is that her head is pounding and that everything is too bright. The next thing she notices is that she's not in her own bed. With a groan she opens her eyes and tries to sit up only there's something holding her in place. That's when she realizes she's basically lying on top of Barry and his arms are locked around her as he continues to sleep, or pretends to sleep, she's not quite sure.

This time she doesn't try to move because honestly laying in Barry's arms like this is really nice. So she tilts her head up to look at his sleeping face. He looks calm and peaceful for once. And she can't help but wonder how much sleep he's been getting lately.

It's when her eyes fall on his neck that the events of last night return. She closes her eyes and curses to herself. She remembers trying to get the hell out, remembers the way he kissed her and the way she kissed, the way she sat in his lap in nothing but her underwear, she remembers trying to leave again, and she remembers the way he begged her to stay with him.

And despite what happened last night she can't help but lean in and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. That wakes him up. His eyes meet hers still a little bleary from sleep and then he groans and shuts his eyes again.

"Ugh, I haven't felt like this since…" he trails off.

"Well you haven't been a able to get drunk for a while so…" One eye opens to glare at her and just shrugs.

With another groan he opens his eyes and sits up slowly and she moves away from him and he lets her. It's probably a good idea to put some distance between them because even though she's no longer influenced by alcohol she's still finding it difficult to resist him.

After rubbing his hands over his face a couple of times he looks over at her. "So we got drunk."

"Mhmm."

"And we kissed."

"Yeah."

"And we almost…" he searches her face and she can see the moment he remembers what happened because his eyes widen ever so slightly and his face flushes bright red.

"Yeah."

She thinks she should be more ashamed of what happened last night and is a little surprised to find that she isn't. It's not that she's exactly proud of what they did, but she's done trying to hide how she feels. And honestly she remembers it pretty well, and she wouldn't mind that happening again soon.

"Fuck."

She bites her lip to stop herself from making a snarky comment. He doesn't deserve that. Because clearly he's been hurting and as much as she wants this with him, she knows he's not ready and she won't push him.

"Yeah," she says once again.

His eyes meet hers once again. "Iris-" and she hears about a hundred things in his voice.

"Don't," she says cutting him off. "Don't apologize okay? It was both of us. I started it. And I don't regret it. The only thing I regret is that we couldn't finish it because we were drunk. But let's be honest Barry, this has been a long time coming and I think the alcohol just pushed us in the right direction."

"Iris," his voice is low and she knows he wants to say something.

"Sorry," she says. "I know this isn't the right time. There's so much going on with Zoom and you don't have your speed. I just-I just want you to know that I'm here okay? And whatever this is I'm okay with it, I'm ready for it, but only if you are."

She thinks she's said all she needs to say. She more or less told him how she feels about him. She looks at him and he nods slowly.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She asks confused.

"Getting me drunk." The corner of his mouth quirks up a little bit. "I needed that. And for understanding."

She nods. "Of course."

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. "So uh you got any plans for today?"

"Nope."

"You want to stay? Have breakfast and just hang out?"

"Sounds perfect."

So they get up and make breakfast together, she makes the coffee. And then they settle back on the couch. They curl up once again, a little more innocently this time. She's leaning against his side with her head on his chest placing her hand over his heart, and that's when she really notices just how slow it, how painfully human it is. It reminds her that he is human again, he doesn't have his speed, he can't heal quickly. If something happened to him, he wouldn't be able to heal quickly enough and-

Sensing the shift in her mood he thankfully cuts off her train of thought. "Iris?"

"Sorry."

She rubs her thumb across the fabric of his shirt and then his hand covers her fingers sliding into the space between hers and squeezing lightly. "It's still beating," he reassures like he knows what she's thinking and really she's not surprised.

"It feels slow."

It echoes their conversation that day nearly two years ago when he first woke up. And she remembers throwing her arms around him and how he lifted her off the ground, how tightly they held onto each other. How happy they were.

She closes her eyes and focuses on the steady thump of his heart beat under her hand. It's still beating. That's all that matters. He's alive. She hasn't lost him yet. She feels him wrap his other arm around bringing her in close and she rests her forehead against his shoulder and sighs. Their hands remain on his chest and his lips brush against her temple.

"It beats for you."

It should sound cheesy, but instead it's incredibly sincere and she feels her guard drop and a sob breaks free and she presses her hand harder to his chest, desperate to feel it. She allows herself this moment of weakness, a moment for all of her emotions to catch up with her and lets Barry hold her.

Once the sobs subside leaving hiccups in their wake she sniffs and raises her head. She feels silly breaking down like that, all because he said something really sweet. She's a mess. She knows she is, and last night proved it. But as much as she wants to leave out of self-preservation she doesn't make a move to get up. Because she tried twice last night and it didn't work. And maybe it's because she doesn't want to leave him alone, and she thinks it might also be because she doesn't want to be alone.

His hand rests gently on her back and she wipes her face. "Sorry, I don't know-I-"

"Hey, hey," he tips her chin up to look her in the eyes, "it's okay."

"But it's not," she admits annoyed with herself. "I shouldn't be the one breaking down. I mean you lost your speed, you almost died. And I-nothing happened to me. I have no reason to be falling apart like that."

"Iris," he says in a louder voice to stop her rambling. "It's okay," he repeats. "It's okay to break down you don't have to be strong all the time. Just because you think nothing happened to you doesn't mean you're not allowed to cry."

She nods and purses her lips feeling tears build in her eyes again at how sweet and caring he's being right now. And as much as she feels like she shouldn't be crying like this she's happy that it's Barry she's with, that he understands. If it's possible she thinks she loves him even more for it.

When she's positive she's not about to have another break down she speaks. That's when she realizes their hands are still joined right over his heart. She takes a moment once again to feel it beating strongly under her hand.

"I owe you," she tells him and his face scrunches up in confusion and she holds in a laugh. "I was supposed to be the one comforting you not the other way around. So I owe you. When you feel like you can't hold it any longer I want you to come to me, okay?"

He nods. "It'll probably not be that far in the future."

She hears the self-deprecation in his voice again, and she gives him a gentle smile. "Well, I'm here."

"Thank you."

Something passes between them and even though she knows she shouldn't she lifts both hands up to cup his face and then gently kisses his mouth, once, twice, lingering ever so slightly before pulling back. His eyes are closed and he looks a little dazed and she smiles. She's not even sorry about it this time. When his eyes crack open he smiles at her softly.

"I promise you, that when all of this over, that when I can focus on being with you and nothing else, when I can be what you need, what you deserve, we can give this a try, a real try. Because believe me I want nothing more than to be with you. I want nothing more than to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Okay?"

She nods and sniffs before swatting her hand at his chest. "Stop making cry."

He chuckles at that as a tear slips down her cheek. He wipes it away. "Sorry."

"Uh-huh."

But she grins back at him and then he tugs her against and somewhat awkwardly they lay back down on the couch again. They find a random movie to put on that neither of them really pay attention to.

They spend the afternoon warding off their hangovers and cuddling on the couch talking about random meaningless things. It's comfortable and honestly it's all she could ever ask for. Maybe it's not the perfect situation, but she doesn't give a shit. Occasionally one of them dozes off and they end up lying down on the couch, Barry behind her with his arm around her waist.

It's early evening and she's awake mindlessly watching the romantic comedy on the TV. She tilts her head slightly look at Barry to see that he's asleep and she smiles and turns her attention back to the TV. Her fingers start tracing patterns on his hand that rests on her stomach. She thinks she could get used to this. Lazy afternoons on the couch.. Of course that's all wishful thinking, they can't have this, not yet.

She's lost in her thoughts when he starts moving around and it takes her a few seconds she realizes he's having a nightmare. Slowly she rolls over and places her hand on his cheek and holds on to him.

"Shh, you're okay. It's just a dream. Wake up, Barry. I'm here."

His eyes snap open and he sits up suddenly causing her to do the same. He's gasping for air, eyes wide. She cups his face in her hands looking him firmly in the eyes.

"Barry, look at me. You're okay. Breathe. In and out," she speaks gently and breathes with him until he's able to get himself under control.

"Zoom," is all he says and she understands. And then he closes his eyes and continues to breathe deeply for a few minutes. She drops her hands from his face and takes one of his in hers rubbing her thumb gently along the top of his hand.

He drops his head to her shoulder and hugs her around the waist holding onto her tightly as she strokes his hair, scratching at his scalp.

"Told you it wouldn't be long."

"It's not the first one is it?"

He shakes his head against her. And that's when she feels his tears hot on her skin as he buries his face in her neck. And she just holds him just as he had done earlier. This is what she had been waiting for. Waiting for him to break down over everything that has happened. Because she knows he hasn't yet, but with her here he's finally allowing himself to let go and not keep it bottled up.

She decides not to let go until he does. Once the tears have stopped he remains where he is and she swears he's holding on to her even tighter, almost clinging to her. That's when she feels it. A gentle press of his lips against her neck. It's nothing like when she did that yesterday. It's completely innocent and sweet.

"Please don't leave. Don't leave me, Iris. I need you."

Her heart breaks at the desperateness in his voice, the fact that he's begging her to say. And she's not sure if he means now or ever, but she has feeling it's both. Barry has always had an issue with people leaving him, a fear of the people he loves leaving him.

"I need you too."

They continue to hold each other to afraid to let go. It's a while before Barry lifts his head. "We're quite a pair aren't we?"

She cracks a smile at him. "Yes we are. But I wouldn't want it any other way."

"I agree."


End file.
